guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
