Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
