Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
