He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We don't watch enough power rangers
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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