We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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