Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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