Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
