omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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