ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sober January is a disaster.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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