I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
