i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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