hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
