What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
