never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
