I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
