dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
