Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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