I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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