Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
