Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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