I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
