i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you never un-have a 4some
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
