sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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