I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
