No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
