If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
