Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
