I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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