Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
