I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
