did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
