Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
