i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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