before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
