Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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