I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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