We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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