So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
