Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FUCK WHALES
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
