if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
