He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
