This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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