I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So many bounce houses so little time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
