I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
