So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
