According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
