You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
