last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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