why didn't you poke me back
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
