He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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