so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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